i just had sex bonerless
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
