You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize