dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
