I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
