I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
