So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
