I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she smelled like a LAN party
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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