The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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