How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
