This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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