The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
