So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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