And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
