Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
