eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
