they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
