At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
