Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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