Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
