Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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