I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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