oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
