If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
