I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
