Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
