Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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