I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
