Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
