she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize