Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
