I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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