the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
