I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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