Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
