Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
