Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
