Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
