CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
