Those balls look pretty dangerous.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
