Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
