Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
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I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
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When did angry sex become our thing?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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