the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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