it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
