I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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