PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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