my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
