I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
