He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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