He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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