Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Its about making memories worth repressing
I haven't been this sober since birth.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I think my moral compass just broke
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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