after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
