I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
