The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He shit in the fireplace
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
