Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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