How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just google imaged poop.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
