She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
