Your tits are I can't wait for
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
