all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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