i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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