i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
