I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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