I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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