Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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