The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
