There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
