So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
