I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
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Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
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I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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