how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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