you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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