atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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