Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
