Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
