I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
