i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
