I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
