so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
