Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
