Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
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There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
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You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I think i got beer on your cat.
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