idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My vagina is officially offended.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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