god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
